What to do if you've experienced coercive control

The first thing to do is to make sure you are safe. Look after your body and your emotions. If you are in danger, go somewhere safe. Seek medical attention if you need it.

Then, take a deep breath. We're sorry you've had to deal with this. We hope the situation gets better. We know that experiencing violence or abuse can be confusing, intimidating, and stressful. People may try to make you believe it is your fault. Sometimes, leaving the situation is hard.

Remember that you are never to blame for bad behaviour. What happened to you is not your fault.

Here is a list of things you could do if you’ve experienced coercive control. You should choose the options that are right for you.

• ‍Call 000 if you or anyone else is in immediate danger. If this makes you feel nervous or unsure, you can learn more about the process on the Neve page A guide to calling triple zero (000) (internal link).‍
• Leave the situation. This can be a very positive step if you live with the person using coercive control. However, it is important to think things through and prepare. Learn how to safely leave a violent or abusive situation on the Neve page How to be safe when leaving an abusive relationship (internal link).‍
• Stay and plan how to cope with the violence or abuse. You may not be ready to leave the situation. In that case, think about how you can be safer while you stay. Learn about safety planning in the Neve section on Becoming safer (internal link). People who have been abusive sometimes stop. However, it can also get worse over time. Abuse does not stop unless the person admits the harm they have done, wants to change their behaviour and takes action to change it. Change is unlikely if they keep blaming you or make excuses for themselves. Even if someone wants to change, it may take a long time. ‍
• Seek support from friends and family members. Tell the person you confide in what would and would not be helpful for you. For example, you might just want to talk. Or, you might want practical help. Let them know not to confront the person who has hurt you. It can make the abuse worse. They should focus on you and what you need to be safer and feel supported.‍
• Keep records of the bad behaviour. If it is safe, save phone call logs, text messages, photos or other evidence. If you need help doing this, ask a trusted person to help you. If you decide to go to the police later, you will have evidence to show them.
• Get legal help. You can use legal support to be safer, like restraining orders and protective orders. You can also get advice about whether something that happened to you is a crime. Learn about legal support options on the Neve page Accessing legal support and the courts  (internal link).

• Develop more financial independence. This can help you leave when you are ready. You can learn about managing your money on the Neve page Help managing your money (internal link).‍
• Report the abuse to authorities. You can call your local police. You can speak to a government organisation, like an Ombudsman or the Australian Human Rights Commission.‍
• Call a helpline. Australia has many helplines that offer practical advice and support for people experiencing violence or abuse. You can find a list of numbers and resources on the Neve page Helpline directory (internal link).‍
• Speak to a counsellor. If you have difficulties you can't manage alone, see a counsellor, therapist or psychologist. Learn about the different options on the Neve page Counselling and therapy (internal link).‍
• Know your rights. Everyone has the right to live free from violence and abuse. Learn about your rights in the Neve section Our rights (internal link).‍
• Look after yourself. Caring for yourself is important if you have experienced violence or abuse. You can learn how to be calm and more empowered on the Neve page Caring for yourself (internal link).‍
• Talk to your service coordinator. This can help if the person who harmed you provides a service related to your disability, like physiotherapy, gardening, cleaning or anything else in your NDIS plan. Tell the service coordinator what happened, and what you’d like to happen next, including if you want your complaint to remain confidential. You might want to offer feedback about the inappropriate behaviour but still work with the person. Or, you might want a new person to provide the service for you.‍
• Make a complaint to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission. If the person who harmed you is an NDIS provider, you can complain to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission. Learn more on the NDIS Commission website (external link).

Having a disability can make it harder to escape violence and abuse. Limited mobility or social isolation might make it harder to get help. Moving out or getting away from the person who hurts you can seem impossible when money is in short supply. However, help is available.

Even if the person who hurt you is important to you, you can still get help. Many people are hurt by someone they know. It may be an intimate partner, a parent or carer, or someone else in authority, such as a health worker or service provider. You don't have to go to the police if you don't want to. Either way, support is available to keep you safe and help you recover.