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This article helps the supporters of people with disabilities prepare for conversations about violence. It explains when it’s necessary to talk about violence. It offers tips on what to say and what to avoid.
People with disabilities experience more violence than other Australians. For women with disabilities, the problem is even more common.
If you support a person with disabilities, it is a good idea to share the idea that people with disabilities should be treated with dignity and respect. They should live free from violence.
Family members, supporters and friends of people with disabilities may also be involved in conversations about violence when:
Conversations about violence can be very challenging. You may feel:
Try to process your feelings before you talk to the person you support. Learn more on the Neve page What you might be thinking or feeling (internal link).
Talking about violence is challenging but necessary. When we find the courage to ask hard questions, talk about tricky subjects and seek help, we increase our ability to keep ourselves and the people we care for safe.
Have the conversation in private. You might move to a different room or wait until you and the person you want to speak with are alone.
Privacy helps keep everyone safe. Privacy may also allow people to be more honest and open with one another.
However, privacy may not be best if you want to talk to someone who has behaved violently in the past. In that case, think about what you need to stay safe. For example, you could ask another trusted person to be there for the conversation.
If you are the person starting the conversation, take some time to prepare. Think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Choose not to judge the person you support. Instead, plan to show respect and be kind.
Helpful ways to start the conversation include:
Get the facts without asking leading questions. An example of a leading question is, "Did you get that bruise because your dad hit you?" A better question would be, "That looks sore. How did you get that bruise?"
Use language that the person you support understands. They may not have the words to describe what's happening or how they feel about it. Communication may take time and patience.
If the person you assist needs support for communication, make sure the support they need is available when you talk.
If you are unable to communicate with the person about what happened you can talk to someone else who could help. For example, talk to an NDIS coordinator or another supporter. Tell them what you have seen. Share your worries and ask what they think.
If someone tells you they have experienced violence or abuse:
There are many things you can do to help improve the safety of the person you support. Here is a list of suggestions. You should choose options that are right for you and the person you want to help.
Call 000 if you or anyone else is in immediate danger. If this makes you feel nervous or unsure, you can learn more about the process on the Neve page A guide to calling triple zero (000) (internal link).
Don't confront the violent person. It can make the situation worse. Instead, help and support the person they have hurt.
Find a safe time and place to ask the person who has been harmed about their experiences. Be calm. Don't judge. Remember, it is your job to offer support, not take over. Use the tip described above.
Support their choices. Ask the person experiencing violence what they would like to happen next. Offer to help them find information and learn about their options. You can learn how to:
Get help deciding what to do. The National Disability Abuse and Neglect Hotline works with callers to find appropriate ways to deal with reports of abuse and neglect of people with disabilities. To make a report, contact the Hotline on 1800 880 052 or email hotline@workfocus.com. If you do this, you should tell the person you support.
Encourage the person you support to seek help. They could talk to:
Help the person you support plan to be safe. A safety plan can help manage the risks of leaving a violent situation or relationship. Learn more on the Neve page How to be safe when you leave an abusive relationship (internal link).
Even if the person you support is not ready to leave, they can still plan to be safer. Learn more on the Neve page When you are not ready to leave a relationship (internal link).
Keep records of the bad behaviour. If it is safe, help the person you support save phone call logs, text messages, photos or other evidence. If they decide to go to the police later, they will have evidence to show them.
Help them plan how to manage their disability. If the person you support has been hurt by someone who helps them with the tasks of daily life, they may need to plan to have their care needs met outside that relationship. It can be very challenging. If you feel comfortable, let them know that you will help them think of solutions if they want. Help them plan what they could do if they need urgent support.
Help them gain financial independence. This can help them leave a violent situation when they are ready. Find positive steps to share with the person you support on the Neve page Help managing your money (internal link).
Give them information on their right to live free from violence. You can read more about the rights of people with disabilities on the Neve page Disability and discrimination (internal link).
Encourage them to look after themselves. Self-care helps us cope when times are tough. You can read more about self-care and looking after yourself on the Neve page Caring for yourself (internal link).
Help them learn about their legal options. If the person you support is interested, you could help them research legal tools such as restraining and protective orders. You can learn more about legal support in the Neve section Understanding the justice system (internal link).
Report the problem to authorities. You could call your local police. You could speak to a government organisation, like an Ombudsman or the Australian Human Rights Commission. If you report the problem, tell the person you support.
Call a helpline. Australia has many helplines that offer practical advice and support services for people experiencing violence or abuse. You can find a list of numbers and resources on the Neve page Helpline directory (internal link).
Talk to a service coordinator. This can be helpful if the person who has used violence provides a service for the person you support. It could be physiotherapy, gardening, cleaning or anything else in their NDIS plan. Help the person you support tell the service coordinator what happened and what they'd like to happen next, including whether they want their complaint to remain confidential.
Make a complaint to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission. If the person you support has been harmed by an NDIS provider, you can complain to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission. Learn more on the NDIS Commission website (external link).
Seek support for yourself. Hearing about violence is challenging. Talk to someone you trust. Tell the person you confide in what would and would not be helpful for you. For example, you might just want to talk. Or, you might want practical help. They should focus on you and what you need to be safer and feel supported.
Speak to a counsellor. If you have difficulties you can't manage alone, see a counsellor, therapist or psychologist. Learn about the different options on the Neve page Counselling and therapy (internal link).
This section provides information about helplines - telephone and text services that offer help when you need it. Helplines can give you advice, understanding and links to practical support. Here, you can learn to choose a service that meets your needs and prepare for the call. We also share a list of helplines across Australia. If you have an emergency, call 000 (triple zero) to speak to the police or ambulance.
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