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Grief is normal

Your romantic partner is often the most important person in your life. When a relationship ends, it's normal to feel loss and grief. Even though you have chosen to break up, you may miss your ex-partner. You might feel sad about:

  • The relationship you had
  • Your dreams of what the relationship could have been.

Don't avoid these feelings: they won't last forever. You will feel better in time.

It's normal to grieve the end of a relationship. Being sad does not mean you have made the wrong decision.

Mixed feelings are normal

Many people feel guilty at the end of a relationship. Guilt is common if you:

  • Ended the relationship when your ex-partner wanted to stay together.
  • Have children with your ex-partner.

Your ex-partner might promise to do better. They may say there will be no more violence or abuse. The best way to predict what someone will do in the future is to think about what they did in the past.

You might worry about finding love again. You might think that it won't happen. Your ex-partner might have said that no one else will love you. They might blame your disability.

These thoughts and feelings are hard but you can cope. You don't have to change your mind.

Remind yourself why you broke up. You chose to protect yourself. It's a smart decision.

Ask friends and family for support. Reach out to support services if you need extra help.

Be aware that violence can get worse

Ending a violent relationship can put you at risk of harm. Your ex-partner might get more violent. They might threaten you. It can be very scary.

Make a plan to be safe. Learn more on the Neve page How to be safe when you leave an abusive relationship (internal link).

Get support as soon as possible. You might need to:

  • Take out a protection order. We explain how on the Neve page about Protection orders (internal link).
  • Get advice from a service listed in the Neve Helpline directory (internal link).

Get support to heal and move on

It can take time to feel like yourself again. You may feel lost for a while. It might be hard to know what to do next. The Neve section Becoming stronger after hard experiences has information to help (internal link).

If you're not feeling better after a month or two, you may need more support. Talk to a health worker or NDIS coordinator. They can help you see a psychologist or counsellor. Learn more on the Neve page Counselling and therapy (internal link).

You can also:

  • Talk to friends and family.
  • Call friends you haven't spoken to for a while.
  • Start a new hobby, like joining a craft group or choir.
  • Play a sport.

An ending is also a beginning. Make the most of yours!

1800 RESPECT

If you experience violence or abuse you can contact 1800 RESPECT for support and counselling.
Call 1800 737 732 or go to the 1800 RESPECT website to chat with someone online (external link).

‍To contact 1800RESPECT via SMS, text ‘HELLO’ or any greeting to 0458 737 732 to start the conversation.

Becoming safer

This section aims to help you see more clearly the difficult parts of life, including any violence and abuse you may experience. It shares tools to increase your safety inside a relationship that is violent or abusive. It talks about making plans for a safer future. It considers how disability, sexuality and gender diversity can impact experiences of violence.

Find out more

Learning to love yourself

The most important relationship you have is with yourself. It's true! Learning to love yourself and treat yourself with care and respect is the most important thing you will ever do. Here, we share ways to recognise your worth. We give tips for being kind to yourself. We celebrate the marvel that is you.

Find out more

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Feeling sad after a relationship ends

Relationships end for many reasons. It can be hard to cope, even if the relationship was violent or abusive. It is normal to feel sad, lonely and confused. Feelings change with time. Here, you can learn about what to expect when a relationship ends because of violence or abuse.

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