.png){kind=small}
It's tough to learn that someone we know has experienced abuse or violence. Fear, anger, grief, guilt and confusion are common feelings. It can make it hard to talk to the person. Its important to think before you talk, so that you can process your feelings. This article will get you started.
People have all kinds of reactions to learning about violence that has happened to a friend or family member. The experience can be especially complex if the situation is one of domestic or family violence.
Your feelings don't have to become actions or words. Feel your feelings and think your thoughts. But before you express any of it, stop and consider: will this help or harm the person I support?
Approach conversations about someone’s experience of violence and abuse with love, understanding, and support. It helps create a safe space for open communication.
The person who has experienced the abuse also likely has strong feelings about their situation. As well as some of the emotions described above they might:
Violence is not a private matter
Violence and abuse should never be ignored, especially when it is happening at home or by a loved one. We all have the right to live safely and free from violence and abuse.
Talking can help the person experiencing the problem. When we talk about violence, we can share the message that it is not okay.
People who seem nice can do bad things
Some people can be charming in public and abusive in private. Some people can be kind and thoughtful in one context and violent in another.
People who experience violence or abuse may fear not being believed. Don't express doubts. Offer support.
Leaving an abusive relationship is a hard decision
It can be frustrating and confusing when someone chooses to stay in an abusive situation. People stay for many reasons. For example, they might:
You may feel frustrated if the person is not ready to leave. Accept their right to make choices about their life. It is one of the best ways to show your support.
Telling someone to leave doesn't usually work. In fact, they may choose not to confide in you again.
Confronting the person who has used violence is not a good idea
You might feel very angry. You might want to protect the person who has been harmed. You might have your doubts about the situation. But confronting a person who has been violent or abusive can be dangerous.
The person who used violence might hurt you. They may become more violent or abusive to your friend or family member.
Instead, focus on supporting the person who has been hurt.
You can start the conversation
Waiting for the person who is experiencing violence to ask for help may not be the best course of action. Instead, start a conversation about violence, expressing concern without placing blame.
People may keep their situation a secret due to various fears. Breaking the silence is crucial. Talking helps, even if it is just an opportunity to vent and feel heard.
Learn more on the Neve page How to talk about violence (internal link).
There are many things you can do to help improve the safety of the person you support. Here is a list of suggestions. You should choose options that are right for you and the person you want to help.
Call 000 if you or anyone else is in immediate danger. If this makes you feel nervous or unsure, you can learn more about the process on the Neve page A guide to calling triple zero (000) (internal link).
Don't confront the violent person. It can make the situation worse. Instead, help and support the person they have hurt.
Find a safe time and place to ask the person who has been harmed about their experiences. Be calm. Don't judge. Remember, it is your job to offer support, not take over. You can learn how to have conversations about violence on the Neve page How to talk about violence (internal link).
Support their choices. Ask the person experiencing violence what they would like to happen next. Offer to help them find information and learn about their options. You can learn how to:
Get help deciding what to do. The National Disability Abuse and Neglect Hotline works with callers to find appropriate ways to deal with reports of abuse and neglect of people with disabilities. To make a report, contact the Hotline on 1800 880 052 or email hotline@workfocus.com. If you do this, you should tell the person you support.
Encourage the person you support to seek help. They could talk to:
Help the person you support plan to be safe. A safety plan can help manage the risks of leaving a violent situation or relationship. Learn more on the Neve page How to be safe when you leave an abusive relationship (internal link).
Even if the person you support is not ready to leave, they can still plan to be safer. Learn more on the Neve page When you are not ready to leave a relationship (internal link).
Keep records of the bad behaviour. If it is safe, help the person you support save phone call logs, text messages, photos or other evidence. If they decide to go to the police later, they will have evidence to show them.
Help them plan how to manage their disability. If the person you support has been hurt by someone who helps them with the tasks of daily life, they may need to plan to have their care needs met outside that relationship. It can be very challenging. If you feel comfortable, let them know that you will help them think of solutions if they want. Help them plan what they could do if they need urgent support.
Help them gain financial independence. This can help them leave a violent situation when they are ready. Find positive steps to share with the person you support on the Neve page Help managing your money (internal link).
Give them information on their right to live free from violence. You can read more about the rights of people with disabilities on the Neve page Disability and discrimination (internal link).
Encourage them to look after themselves. Self-care helps us cope when times are tough. You can read more about self-care and looking after yourself on the Neve page Caring for yourself (internal link).
Help them learn about their legal options. If the person you support is interested, you could help them research legal tools such as restraining and protective orders. You can learn more about legal support in the Neve section Understanding the justice system (internal link).
Report the problem to authorities. You could call your local police. You could speak to a government organisation, like an Ombudsman or the Australian Human Rights Commission. If you report the problem, tell the person you support.
Call a helpline. Australia has many helplines that offer practical advice and support services for people experiencing violence or abuse. You can find a list of numbers and resources on the Neve page Helpline directory (internal link).
Talk to a service coordinator. This can be helpful if the person who has used violence provides a service for the person you support. It could be physiotherapy, gardening, cleaning or anything else in their NDIS plan. Help the person you support tell the service coordinator what happened and what they'd like to happen next, including whether they want their complaint to remain confidential.
Make a complaint to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission. If the person you support has been harmed by an NDIS provider, you can complain to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission. Learn more on the NDIS Commission website (external link).
Seek support for yourself. Hearing about violence is challenging. Talk to someone you trust. Tell the person you confide in what would and would not be helpful for you. For example, you might just want to talk. Or, you might want practical help. They should focus on you and what you need to be safer and feel supported.
Speak to a counsellor. If you have difficulties you can't manage alone, see a counsellor, therapist or psychologist. Learn about the different options on the Neve page Counselling and therapy (internal link).
This section of the website lets you know where to go and what to do when you need help. People who've been hurt by violence will find advice here, but others will find it helpful, too. There is information about legal support, health services, money, sex and relationships and violence and abuse. If you are in a difficult situation and don't know what to do, the strategies here can make a difference.
Find out moreSelf-care means looking after yourself. When you care for yourself, you meet your physical, mental, social, spiritual and emotional needs. It is a simple concept, but it can be tough to do. This page will help you get started.
Find out more%20Medium.jpeg)
May 13, 2024
|
Patricia Giles Centre for Non-Violence
A guide for women with disability experiencing family and domestic violence.
Check resource.jpeg)
May 13, 2024
|
Patricia Giles Centre for Non-Violence
A guide for women with disability and mothers of children with disability who have experience of family and domestic violence.
Check resource
May 4, 2024
|
1800 RESPECT
If you are going to leave a relationship, deciding what to take with you is an important step in creating a safety plan. This checklist helps you plan what you may need to take if you need to leave.
Check resource
