Sensitivity to body feelings

Many ND people find certain sounds, sights, textures, or smells overwhelming or distressing. In your work, it’s essential to be mindful of this and create calm, comfortable environments. You could also remind your client that these experiences may affect their sex life.

For example, some people don’t like sex that is wet or sticky. A specialist like a sexologist or sex therapist can help your client work through options to meet their needs. They may be able to negotiate with partners and find different sexual practices that feel good. It could involve wearing gloves, a mask, or an entire suit covering their body! Uncomfortable body feelings shouldn’t be ignored, but they don’t mean people must miss out on a sex life.

Gender diversity

Many ND people are gender diverse or queer. Studies have shown that:

• As many as 50% of people who are ND identify as LGBTQIA+.
• Two out of three autistic people identify as LGBTQIA+.
• One in four transgender people are autistic.

Sensory needs may affect the way they express their gender identity. For example, some people don’t like how their hair feels on their heads, so they may want to shave it all off! Other people may need to dress in certain materials because of how they feel rubbing against their skin.

Some ND people may want to bind their breasts to look more masculine. They may need extra help if they don’t like how binding feels on their bodies. They might also struggle wearing bras or tucking their genitals tightly to their body to look more like their preferred gender. Some companies make safer products for tucking and binding, which is essential as people can injure themselves if they do it incorrectly.

Connection to community

It’s important to stay connected to peers, people similar to us. However, some ‘queer’ spaces, like Pride March or parties for LGBTQIA+ people can be hard spaces for ND people because of their sensory needs.

ND people may struggle with bright lights, loud music, vibrant colours, cold or heat, crowds or strong smells. They may prefer calm, less busy, quiet spaces. Consider talking about what your client prefers. Help them find community connections that feel good.

Coping with rejection

Some ND people face intense emotional pain from rejection, criticism, disappointment, or failure to live up to an expectation. It can lead to unhealthy coping strategies such as people-pleasing, avoidance, and numbing. It can get in the way of consent, especially for the partners of people who take rejection so badly. They may agree to sex to avoid hurting their partner's feelings.

A skilled specialist can support someone who struggles to cope with rejection. They should focus on:

• Teaching them about the issue
• Noticing triggers and patterns
• Improving communication skills
• Other coping strategies.

If your client finds rejection very difficult, let them know that it's a common problem. Therapy or counselling can help.

Learn more about coping with rejection in our guide to Consent for neurodivergent clients (internal link).

Kink, BDSM and furries

Kink is a range of sexual behaviours, interests, or practices that are different from conventional ones. Kink involves consensual activities that are seen as unconventional, taboo, or adventurous. Kink is about activities, fantasies, or fetishes. It includes bondage, domination and submission (BDSM), role-playing and more.

A lot of ND people feel safer and sexier exploring kink and BDSM than other sex. It may be because kink communities are usually good at consent and alternative ways of touching and connecting. Consider talking about kink with your clients if they express an interest.

One type of kink that can be popular with ND people involves dressing as a furry. A furry is someone who has a fascination with human-like animal characters.

A client interested in furries could make or look at artwork and stories, role-play, or wear costumes. Some furries engage in sexual fantasies or activities. Others enjoy the fun or creative aspects without any sexual stuff. Like other forms of kink or fetish, furry-related activities need consent and mutual respect among participants.

ND people may like furry costumes because they feel good and avoid skin-on-skin contact. If the costume includes a headpiece, it can also reduce noise. For people in costume, body language may be more important than talking. Furries are often polyamorous, which means having more than one romantic and sexual relationship. Some ND people find this a more satisfying way to have relationships.

ND love languages

ND people may have unique ways of expressing and receiving love. Rather than the standard "love languages" they might:

• Info-dump, or share everything they know about their special interest.
• Use parallel play, doing similar things next to someone else but not together.
• Body double, or be there while someone else does something challenging without doing much themselves.
• Use penguin pebbling. It means placing smooth, round stones on the body. It can help reduce anxiety and promote relaxation.
• Support swap, or exchange advice with someone else.
• Use deep pressure, like big, long hugs to calm down or feel good.

Talk with your client about these options. Support them to try these love languages in their relationships, if they haven’t already.

‍