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We all have the right to feel good. Luckily, there are many kinds of pleasure. You can find pleasure by yourself or with others. It can be about sex or feeling good in other ways. On this page, we share ideas to help fill your life with pleasure.
Often, we think that pleasure is something that should just happen without any effort. Or we think pleasure is something that only someone else can give us.
Here's some good news: pleasure is always available. You just need to allow yourself to do things that make you feel good.
For some, that might mean sexual pleasure, but that's not the only kind of pleasure. Lots of pleasure is non-sexual. If it feels good to you, it's a pleasure worth having.
Pleasure comes in many forms. You don’t have to wait for pleasure to come to you. You can make yourself feel good now!
Many things that feel good don't involve sex. You could:
It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive. It doesn't have to involve other people. If you feel good - great!
Feeling pleasure of any kind can seem really hard when you've experienced trauma like violence or abuse. But pleasure is good for your body.
When you feel good sometimes:
If you pay attention, you can get pleasure from doing even simple things. Let yourself notice how good something looks, feels, tastes or smells. Don't rush: slowing down might allow you to experience more joy.
Here is a pleasure meditation you could try:
Masturbation is when you give yourself sexual pleasure, usually by touching your private parts, like your penis or clitoris. It is a normal part of a healthy sex life. Masturbation can be a great way to learn what feels good, bad and fantastic to you!
There is no right or wrong way to masturbate. Some people use their hands and fingers. Some people like to use sex toys.
Sex toys can help people with disabilities achieve the things they want from their sex lives. However, not all sex toys are easy to use. If you are not sure what you are looking for, it can be hard to know where to start.
A dildo or vibrator that is large and grippy with big buttons can help with mobility issues. Some toys work hands-free, resting on the bed or a pillow. A toy with simple functions might be easiest to manage.
If you need help buying sex toys you might feel nervous or embarrassed, but it's fine to ask a trusted support person. Sex is a normal part of being human.
If you want to learn more about your body and how you might be able to give yourself sexual pleasure, there are places you can go for help. For example, the website OMGyes aims to break taboos and teach women techniques for self-pleasure. OMGYes is a subscription website and not freely available. For information specifically about transwomen and sex you can go to the Transhub website (external link).
It's normal to want to have sexual pleasure with a partner. You can have a lot of fun having sex and trying new things with someone else.
Tell your sexual partner what you need and want. It can be hard to tell someone what feels good and what doesn't, but honesty helps you both enjoy the sexual experience and feel safe. Talking about pleasure gets easier with practice.
Some people have pain, fatigue or stiffness during sex. Others have limited mobility and need support to stay in a comfortable position. Sex pillows or wedges can help. They hold their firmness and position and make sex more comfortable.
If you don't have a sexual or romantic partner, you could consider hiring a sex worker. A sex worker is someone paid to share sexual experiences with another person. Many sex workers specialise in working with people with disabilities. Your support person or carer could help you arrange a session with a sex worker. However, sex work is illegal in some states. The websites Touching Base and Scarlet Alliance have information about sex workers who work with people with disabilities (external links).
Whenever you are sexually active with another person, you need protection from sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy. Your doctor or care provider can help you get the sexual health care you need.
Sometimes, you might want to experience sexual pleasure with more than one partner at a time. As long as it is legal and everyone gives consent, it is okay to do what feels good.
You could:
Remember that you can always say no to any sexual experience, no matter what. Sometimes you might want to say, "Maybe later." Other times, you might want to say, "No, never. That's not for me." You should always feel safe and in control of your sexual experience. Sex should be about pleasure and feeling good! You can read more about sexual consent on the Neve page Consent (internal link).
This section explores topics to do with you and your body. We talk about consent and pleasure, the stages of life we experience and the relationships we have with ourselves and others.
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