Myth: Violence is a private matter.

Fact: Violence and abuse should never be ignored, especially when it happens at home or by a loved one. We all have the right to live safely and free from violence and abuse. Talking with a supporter can be helpful to the person experiencing violence or abuse. When we talk about violence, we can share the message that no one deserves to be treated that way. Violence is not okay.

Myth: They are too nice to hurt anybody.

Fact: People who seem nice can do bad things. Some people can be charming in public and abusive in private. Some people can be kind and thoughtful in one context and violent in another. People who experience violence or abuse often fear they won't be believed. Don’t be fooled by how someone acts in public.

Myth: If a victim of violence was in real danger, they would leave. If they haven't left, it can't be that bad. 

Fact: Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous. Women might stay for many reasons, including fear. They may have financial worries. They may hope that things will improve. Telling someone they have to leave can backfire. They may not be willing to talk about the problem again. 

Myth: Some people cause other people to hurt them.

Fact: No one deserves violence. We all deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. People with disabilities do not deserve to be hit, hurt, insulted or harmed. If you feel the person you support causes you or anyone else to hurt them, please seek help. 

Myth: I can stop the violence by talking to the violent person.

Fact: Confronting the person who has used violence is not a good idea. You might feel outraged. You might want to protect the person who has been harmed. However, confronting a person who has been violent or abusive can be dangerous. They might hurt or harm you. They may become more violent or abusive to your friend or family member. Focus on helping the person who has been harmed instead.

Myth: It’s not my role to bring up the problem. I’ll wait until they talk to me.

Fact: Waiting for the person who is experiencing violence to ask for help may not be the best course of action. Instead, tell them you're worried without placing blame. Understand that people experiencing violence may keep their situation a secret due to fear. Breaking the silence is important. Talking helps, even if it is just an opportunity to vent and be heard. You can learn how to have conversations about violence on the Neve page How to talk about violence (internal link).

Myth: Violence at home is rare. It doesn't affect many people. 

Fact: Violence at home is common. 1 in 4 Australian women experience physical or sexual violence by an intimate partner. It has serious consequences. Women with disabilities experience even higher rates of violence.

Myth: Only low-income families are affected. 

Fact: Violence occurs in all kinds of families. It happens regardless of economic status, location, race, job, religion or age.

Myth: Only people partnered with men experience domestic violence.

Fact: People in all kinds of relationships experience violence at home. Men are often, but not always, responsible.

Violence can happen:

• In LGBTQIA+ relationships
• Between family members, like siblings, parents and adult children.
• Between a person with a disability and their carer or support worker.

Myth: Family violence happens because men get angry and lose control. 

Fact: Family violence is a choice. It is about gaining control. Many men who are violent at home can control their temper elsewhere.

Myth: Everyone who acts violently has low self-esteem. Everyone who experiences violence and abuse has low self-esteem. 

Fact: All different types of people behave violently. All different types of people experience domestic violence. People who survive ongoing emotional and physical abuse can lose self-esteem over time.

Myth: Domestic violence happens only once or twice in a relationship. 

Fact: Violence often gets worse over time.

Myth: Family violence happens because women provoke men. 

Fact: There is no excuse for family violence. It happens because someone chooses to behave violently.

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Myth: Lots of women make false claims about family violence. Many say the abuse is worse than it is.

Fact: False claims about family violence are rare. Women are more likely to say that the abuse is not so bad, when it really is.

Myth: Children aren't aware of the violence at home. 

Fact: Most children are aware of violence that happens to a parent.

Myth: Children are not at risk of being hurt or injured. 

Fact: People who abuse their partners are more likely to hurt their children, too.