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Everyone has the right to make choices about their own body. We each have the right to say no to sexual contact that we do not want. We each have the right to choose the who, what, where and when of sex for ourselves.

Who is affected by sexual assault and abuse?

Anyone can experience sexual violence. It happens to people of all ages, genders and abilities. However, it impacts people in our community more than others.

Women, and especially women with disabilities, experience more sexual violence than other Australians. If you have experienced sexual violence, you are not alone. Sexual assault and abuse are never okay.

 

What does it look like?

Sexual consent is an agreement between two or more people about sexual activity. It means you ask before you start to do sexual things, or the other person asks you before they start. It means that everyone has said "Yes". Everyone agrees. Everyone feels good.

Sexual assault happens when someone has sex or does sexual things with someone else without getting consent.

You can learn more about consent on the Neve page Consent (internal link).

Types of sexual assault and abuse include:

  • Rape and unwanted sexual penetration. For example, if someone puts their penis or fingers in your mouth or vagina when you don't want them to.
  • Unwanted sex between people who are married or in a romantic relationship.
  • Unwanted kissing, touching and groping under or over clothes.
  • Flashing, or unwanted genital exposure, which is when someone displays their genitals to someone else without consent. For example, someone might show you their penis when you don't want to see it.
  • Image-based abuse, which is when someone takes or shares naked, intimate, or sexual images of someone else without their consent.
  • Making someone watch pornography when they don't want to.
  • Sexual coercion, which is when somebody pressures or tricks you into doing sexual things that you do not want to do.

Health and support workers should not have sex or sexual contact with their clients.

It is illegal to do sexual things with a person whose disability stops them from understanding what they're doing. They cannot give consent.

How do people feel after experiencing sexual violence?

People who have experienced sexual violence often feel confused about what has happened to them. People wonder:

  • Was that my fault?
  • Was that really rape?
  • Should I have said "no" more clearly?
  • Am I making too big a deal out of this?

These feelings are normal, but the reality is that people who have experienced sexual assault or abuse are not responsible for what has happened to them. The person who hurt them has done the wrong thing.

Many people feel scared, sad or anxious after sexual violence. People who have experienced sexual assault or abuse sometimes:

  • Have flashbacks, as if the abuse is happening again.
  • Feel guilty or dirty, as if they have done something wrong.
  • Lose interest in sex.
  • Spend less time with friends, family and other people important to them.
  • Feel so fearful that they change the way they live their life.
  • Have trouble thinking and paying attention.
  • Enjoy life less.
  • Try to minimise what happened to them. For example, they might think or say, "It wasn't such a big deal."
  • Feel ashamed.

These thoughts, feelings and experiences are normal and common.

Recovery

You can recover after you have experienced sexual assault or abuse. Talking about what happened can help, even if it was a long time ago.

Try to have conversations about sexual assault and abuse with someone you trust in private. It will help you stay safe. You do not need to confront the person who has hurt you.

You might talk to:

  • A helpline that specialises in helping people who have experienced sexual harm
  • A counsellor
  • A parent or supporter
  • A support worker
  • A relative or friend.

What to do if you've experienced sexual assault

The first thing to do is to make sure you are safe. Look after your body and your emotions. If you are in danger, go somewhere safe. Seek medical attention if you need it.

If you have been raped, a doctor can give you emergency birth control to make sure you do not get pregnant. They can test for sexually transmitted diseases and provide treatment if needed.

For medical attention after rape, you can see a GP, go to the hospital or a sexual assault support service if you have one nearby. Enter your suburb and "sexual assault support service" into an online search engine to find a service near you.

If you want, doctors can use a rape kit to collect DNA to use in court against the person who raped you. Don't shower or clean your body if you want to get a rape kit, as this will wash away DNA evidence. The doctors will tell you when it is okay to shower.

Now, take a deep breath. We're sorry you've had to deal with this. We hope the situation gets better. We know that experiencing violence or abuse can be confusing, intimidating, and stressful. People may try to make you believe it is your fault. Sometimes, leaving the situation is hard.

Remember that you are never to blame for bad behaviour. What happened to you is not your fault.

Here is a list of things you could do if you’ve been sexually assaulted. You should choose the options that are right for you.

  • Call 000 if you or anyone else is in immediate danger. If this makes you feel nervous or unsure, you can learn more about the process on the Neve page A guide to calling triple zero (000) (internal link).
  • Leave the situation. This can be a very positive step if you live with the person who hurt you. However, it is important to think things through and prepare. Learn how to safely leave a violent or abusive situation on the Neve page How to be safe when leaving an abusive relationship (internal link).
  • Stay and plan how to cope with the violence or abuse. You may not be ready to leave the situation. In that case, think about how you can be safer while you stay. Learn about safety planning in the Neve section on Becoming safer (internal link). People who have been abusive sometimes stop. However, it can also get worse over time. Abuse does not stop unless the person admits the harm they have done, wants to change their behaviour and takes action to change it. Change is unlikely if they keep blaming you or make excuses for themselves. Even if someone wants to change, it may take a long time.
  • Seek support from friends and family members. Tell the person you confide in what would and would not be helpful for you. For example, you might just want to talk. Or, you might want practical help. Let them know not to confront the person who has hurt you. It can make the abuse worse. They should focus on you and what you need to be safer and feel supported.
  • Keep records of the bad behaviour. If it is safe, save phone call logs, text messages, photos or other evidence. If you need help doing this, ask a trusted person to help you. If you decide to go to the police later, you will have evidence to show them.
  • Get legal help. You can use legal support to be safer, like restraining orders and protective orders. You can also get advice about whether something that happened to you is a crime. Learn about legal support options on the Neve page Accessing legal support and the courts  (internal link).
  • Develop more financial independence. If you live with the person who hurt you, this can help you leave when you are ready. You can learn about managing your money on the Neve page Help managing your money (internal link).
  • Report the abuse to authorities. You can call your local police. You can speak to a government organisation, like an Ombudsman or the Australian Human Rights Commission.
  • Call a helpline. Australia has many helplines that offer practical advice and support for people experiencing violence or abuse. You can find a list of numbers and resources on the Neve page Helpline directory (internal link).
  • Speak to a counsellor. If you have difficulties you can't manage alone, see a counsellor, therapist or psychologist. Learn about the different options on the Neve page Counselling and therapy (internal link).
  • Know your rights. Everyone has the right to live free from violence and abuse. Learn about your rights in the Neve section Our rights (internal link).
  • Look after yourself. Caring for yourself is important if you have experienced violence or abuse. You can learn how to be calm and more empowered on the Neve page Caring for yourself (internal link).
  • Talk to your service coordinator. This can help if the person who harmed you provides a service related to your disability, like physiotherapy, gardening, cleaning or anything else in your NDIS plan. Tell the service coordinator what happened, and what you’d like to happen next, including if you want your complaint to remain confidential.
  • Make a complaint to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission. If the person who harmed you is an NDIS provider, you can complain to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission. Learn more on the NDIS Commission website (external link).

Having a disability can make it harder to escape violence and abuse. Limited mobility or social isolation might make it harder to get help. Moving out or getting away from the person who hurts you can seem impossible when money is in short supply. However, help is available.

Even if the person who hurt you is important to you, you can still get help. Many people are hurt by someone they know. It may be an intimate partner, a parent or carer, or someone else in authority, such as a health worker or service provider. You don't have to go to the police if you don't want to. Either way, support is available to keep you safe and help you recover.

1800 RESPECT

If you experience violence or abuse you can contact 1800 RESPECT for support and counselling.
Call 1800 737 732 or go to the 1800 RESPECT website to chat with someone online (external link).

‍To contact 1800RESPECT via SMS, text ‘HELLO’ or any greeting to 0458 737 732 to start the conversation.

Story

Ana is a university student with a physical disability. She experienced sexual abuse at a party by a friend, who touched Ana's breasts when she couldn't move away. At first, Ana felt ashamed. A friend encouraged her to get help from the university's counselling centre. With the support of a caring counsellor, Ana began to heal. She joined a support group and got legal advice.

How to find practical help

This section of the website lets you know where to go and what to do when you need help. People who've been hurt by violence will find advice here, but others will find it helpful, too. There is information about legal support, health services, money, sex and relationships and violence and abuse. If you are in a difficult situation and don't know what to do, the strategies here can make a difference.

Find out more

Healing after violence and abuse

Experiencing violence and abuse can affect your ability to live a satisfying life. It can leave you feeling afraid and unsafe. You might find yourself reliving difficult situations over and over. It means you've experienced trauma. With the proper support, you can heal. Here, you can learn what trauma is like. You can learn how to recover.

Find out more

Resources.

May 13, 2024

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Patricia Giles Centre for Non-Violence

You have rights - Easy Read

A guide for women with disability experiencing family and domestic violence.

Check resource

May 13, 2024

|

Patricia Giles Centre for Non-Violence

Your rights

A guide for women with disability and mothers of children with disability who have experience of family and domestic violence.

Check resource

May 13, 2024

|

SECCA

Online dating

Information about online dating.

Check resource

May 4, 2024

|

1800 RESPECT

Escape bag checklist

If you are going to leave a relationship, deciding what to take with you is an important step in creating a safety plan. This checklist helps you plan what you may need to take if you need to leave.

Check resource

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Sexual assault and abuse

Sexual assault and abuse occur when one person forces or tricks another person into unwanted sexual contact. It is illegal in Australia. Unwanted touching, genital exposure or flashing and rape are all forms of sexual violence.

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